Written By: David Rubin, MS, PPSC, LMFT
Bullying is unfortunately all too common at schools. Anyone who has gone to school has at the very least observed bullying occurring or knew someone who was bullied. How many of us were victims of bullying, witnessed/suspected someone was being bullied? How many of us did something at the time?
It is easy to be a bystander when there is bullying occurring. Bystanders represent the majority of people. Bystanders are those who just do not want to get involved or are afraid that they will become targets if they do.
I do not own the above image.
There are also advocates. An advocate is someone who stands up for someone being bullied or does something to stop the bullying. Do you want to be a bully, a bystander or an advocate?
There are several ways for a student to deal with bullies at a school site. The first: a student needs to ask themselves the following:
1) Does what is happening to me make me feel angry, upset, depressed, anxious frustrated, etc.?
2) Are these events something I want to continue to go through?
If the answers to the above questions are NO, it is important to advocate for yourself. It is just as important to advocate for others. By far the worst option is doing nothing as this sends a signal to the bullies that there will be no consequences if they bully someone.
When I have spoken with students about this concept in the past what I often hear is: “I’m not a snitch”. Students are confusing snitching and preventing themselves from being a victim. Some students feel like they have to take matters into their own hands.
Bullying by definition is not a one-off incident but a pattern (e.g. repeated behaviors) unless they are of a sufficient severity.
1) Tell someone, ideally an adult you trust, that you are being bullied. This is not snitching but advocating for yourself and protecting yourself.
2) Do not walk the halls alone, where possible, walk with other students in a group. Joining school clubs is also good way to help form friendships and accomplish this. Bullies target those they perceive as easy targets.
Remember if you tell people at a school site and they do not take action keep telling adults until action is taken. It can also help to write down days, times, incidents and people involved so that your case is harder to dismiss. This will also provide school staff the information they need to help stop bullying.
A great resource for schools and parents is the documentary called Bully.
If you are seeking a movie demonstrating what verbal bullying (e.g. relational aggression) Mean Girls is a great example. this also comes with a Work Book.
Mean Girls: Facing Your Beauty Turned Beast is a book about relational aggression and although it has some religious/spiritual aspects that does not take away from its usefulness as a tool especially when running groups.
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